shaicarus | Entries tagged with family

a few days ago, one of my grandmas had what we thought was a small stroke. as it turns out, she’s been having strokes since July, and the one that finally got caught was a pretty big one. mentally she’s still there. she’s speaking, albeit kinda slurred. her memory’s intact, even if her attention span isn’t. she’s lost a lot of mobility on the left side. we’re all glad that mentally she’s still there, but there’s a very real possibility that she won’t be able to go back home. we do know she’s going to need permanent nursing care, since she’s a diabetic being put on warfarin. that's assuming she doesn't have another stroke before they can actually start her on warfarin.

the house is kind of a beehive right now. we’re nine hours away, but my dad is the one who needs to handle most of the official stuff. my grandpa’s dementia has progressed too much for him to handle any of it. originally my dad was going to head up the day after christmas, but he went ahead and left today. if something happened between now and after christmas and he didn't get a chance to say goodbye, he would never forgive himself and he would probably kinda blame us. he'll be back in a couple days.

and I dunno how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve never been very close with most of my extended family? when I was little my grandparents were kind of disinterested in learning anything about my diabetes, so I couldn’t really spend the same one-on-one time with them that my siblings did. so I really only saw them once a year or every couple years when the whole family visited. even when I was old enough to manage my own diabetes, they still tended to treat me like an infant and I had no interest in visiting.

so…I dunno what to feel. I mean, I’m supposed to be upset, and I am, but it’s just a vague ‘well, that’s unfortunate’ and a sort of nebulous ‘!!!!!!’ mostly I’m sad for my dad and my aunt and my uncle.